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Bertie Ahern
Bertie Marrion Ahern ''(born Bertie Aimsir Kenny)'' is one of the Boys. He shares a name with the 11th Taoiseach of Ireland. Appearance Bertie has a well-kept blond hairdo and skin covered in fake tan. His typical outfit consists of blue-tinted shades, a pair of combat trousers and converse shoes. Like his partner, Bertie never seems to wear a shirt. His blond hair and orange skin has led many to liken him to former US president/Punished Gamer leader Donald Trump. In more recent episodes (2018 02 05 18 07 35) Bertie is shown wearing dark red/wine coloured trousers, sandals, a loose-fitting light blue T-shirt and a necklace. It is unknown if the necklace has any significance at all. Personality Bertie's personality is quite nebulous, as it seems to change between episodes 1 and 3. While he is quiet and reserved in episode 1, he becomes louder, more confident and even violent by episode 3. This is likely from the trauma he experienced from having to flee Earth after surviving the natural disasters that killed millions. His attitude towards Jacky also shifts completely. At first, he follows him around and relies on him constantly, but is later seen threatening and even attacking Jacky. History Bertie was born the illegitimate son of Enda Kenny and local Irish peasant Gertie Ahern. Enda was not pleased to discover the birth of the child, and thus named him after his mortal enemy, Bertie Ahern. Enda sent an IRA hit squad after the mother and child to hide any evidence of adultery from the church. They both escaped, but Gertie dropped the boy on his head, which caused slight retardation. Bertie went to public school in Cork. Because of the county's notoriously incomprehensible dialect, he could never speak English properly. He quit after the Junior Cert to become a lamplighter. In 2017, his mother told him the truth about his parentage. Bertie began a 3-day odyssey to the Dail Eireann without food or water to meet his father. He made it just in time to witness Leo Varadkar murder his father in front of him and assume the office. Varadkar, who could recognise Bertie's relation to Enda Kenny from his cheekbones, pulled an MP5 out of his jacket and started firing wildly at him. Bertie took a bullet wound to the forehead but managed to survive. He began wearing his signature shades and visor cap to hide the injury. It was around this time that he began living in squalor with Jakeus Lakeus. The two made many ventures in petty crime and cheap street gambling. They never left central Dublin until the Apocalypse forced them to flee to America. It's possible that Bertie visited a country in central Africa (either DR Congo or the CAR) before it sunk to the bottom of the ocean. This happened either 2 days before or three months after the Slender Man Incident. They spent nearly two years looking for work, until Alpha Team recruited them both as soldiers. Jakeus did it for the money, but Bertie's hatred of the communist Delta Team was what brought him on board. They say that he still fights against the communists to this day. Abilities Bertie's signature ability is his inability to die, which he shares with Jacky. He is also a master ukulele player, to a fatal degree. His mastery of weapons tech let's him use any weapon on Earth with style, though he prefers his signature rocket launcher. Bertie is the proud owner of a modified Browning double-barrel shotgun he received in the mail under mysterious circumstances. He received it wrapped in brown paper and tied with string and with a note jammed down one of the barrels. Sadly, Bertie didn't realise this until he fired the shotgun into the fence of his neighbour's house. Trivia * It is possible that his name is a reference to the character Harry S. Truman from Twin Peaks, a character who also shared a name with their respective former head of state.